Relationships are the most important thing in your life. Ever heard of the saying, " tell me who your friends are and I'll find out who you are."

 

Very true statement. Many relationships in our lives are toxic. Meaning if you are in a relationship that does not make you feel good about yourself, one that does not help you move forward in life then you need to chuck it. Sounds harsh? Well you could go being miserable for the rest of your life.

 

A relationship requires someone other than yourself to be complete. This is why it's difficult. We always get along with ourselves!

 

So why then are some relationships hard?  Simple. Most people do not set boundaries in their lives. Meaning if someone says something you don't like and you don't speak up guess what? They'll keep on saying it!

 

Not because they want to provoke you but because they do not know it bothers you!

 

Most relationships go on for years with tension because one of the 2 parties never sets his/her boundaries.

 

We have to realize that it is ok to tell people that something bothers you about the way they speak to you, this is what brings the relationship to a higher level of respect.

 

Now don't get me wrong here.... There are people out there that will disrespect your boundaries no matter what you tell them. It's happpened to me many times. What to do?

 

Pay no attention and move on with your life. Eliminate them from you surroundings. Everyone has the right to be respested and the obligation to respect others.

 

Here's a little story about boundaries:

 

A couple of months ago I was at a friends house and his family member was over as well. We were having supper and having a good time. This family member(we'll call hime Bob) tell me the following, " Hey  Tom you're the youngest one here get up and get me a glass of water."

 

Now what would you do?  Well I did not get up to get him a glass of water. My wife and children were at the table. What kind of example would I be giving if I did that and what would I be telling myself?

 

As any self respecting man would do I looked at him straight in the eyes and told him the following, " Get you a glass of water? What are you handicapped?". Keep in mind that I said this with a smile.

 

To my surprise my friend agreed with him and said that I should get the glass of water. This was clearly crossing my boundaries. That was the last time I ever set foot in that house. What is unfortunate is that my friend could not stand up to Bob. Why?  Because Bob had crossed his bounadries on several occasions and he never said a thing to stop it. So Bob now controls my friend. Got it?  Bob wore him down. Now Bob treats everyone this way and he keeps going through relationships because not many people will put up with this behaviour. This is a damaging relationship.

 

Bob spends all his time judging, competing, bullying, and degrading other people around him. He does this because he has a low self esteem and he feel the need to do this so that he can show people that he is the wiser man. Everybody sees through these people but very few do something to change the relationship or end it.

 

Is Bob someone you'd want as a friend? Not me.

Is Bob someone you have as a friend? Get rid of him.

 

 

How?  Easy. People like Bob need you to either answer them back or do as they say in order for their manipulation to work. So what do you do?

 

Imagine it like this. Bob just threw a ball your way, now if you catch it and throw it back you begin to play into his game. Imagine if you simply let the ball bounce off you and walk away as the ball rolls on the ground. What would Bob do?  Scream and yell like a baby? Exactly.

 

Than you can simply turn to him and say the following in a very calm and realxed voice, " Why do you yell all the time?"

 

 

Don't let people like Bob ruin your lives it's not worth it. Respect is mandatory at all ages and you deserve it.

 

As for Bob?  He will never change.

 

My friend told me that he will change. My response was to him was that it was up to me to decide if he has changed or not and if I felt he had then we can start a relationship again.

 

Life is simply too short to waste on Bob. It will consume you and eventually make you sick.

 

Bob can be you father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, brother-inlaw, sister inlaw, mother inlaw, father inlaw, friend, co-worker, neighbour. You get the idea.